“Do not
spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now
have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ~Epicurus
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. Doesn’t it
speak so much to our culture? I’m as guilty of the next person as longing and
dreaming for things I don’t yet have, all while taking for granted the things I
already do. There was a time in my life I felt downright miserable and sorry
for myself. I was working in a job that was rather thankless and exhausting. I
was in the predatory environment of the Department of Corrections, where I was
constantly required to remain guarded and show no weakness or vulnerability. I
worked with a population that didn’t want or appreciate my help. I seemed to
have strenuous relationships with co-workers, and a supervisor whom I had
little to no respect for. My husband and I had decided long ago that I would
stay home with our babies when the time came. So, when we finally decided we
were ready to start having children, I was so excited with the possibility of
leaving my job and staying home. And I was over the moon and swooning at the
idea of being a mommy. Getting pregnant was to be my ticket to joy and freedom—it
was, both literally and figuratively, my way out of prison.
And then began the barrage of disappointment. I didn’t get
pregnant the first month we tried, or the second, or the third. Month after
month passed, leaving me with an overwhelming amount of heartache and negative
pregnancy tests. Not only was I experiencing the disappointment of not yet expecting
a baby, I was all the while enduring a job that I was downright burnt out on. And
then something amazing happened. All at once everything changed, and yet
nothing changed. I was simply confronted with the option of changing my perspective.
Thanks to a book club I joined, I was introduced to the book
One Thousand Reasons by Ann Voskamp. She addresses the subject of gratitude,
particularly in times of pain and trial. After reading the book everything was
different. My life hadn’t changed at all, but my heart had. This led me to
surrounding myself with reminders and challenges to be grateful, at which point
I came across the Epicurus quote above. I read it and was so convicted. Not
long before I was single, longing for a spouse and partner. I yearned for the
companionship of marriage. I had recently completed my graduate degree in
Counseling and couldn’t wait to use it. And yet, as I applied for job after job
with no promising career opportunities, I became despondent, begging God to
tell me why he wasn’t opening doors for me. Eventually, I was offered a
counseling position that, at the time, I viewed as perfect. I was working with
a population that I was passionate about helping, and found the environment of
Corrections to be exciting and stimulating. I was soon married to a wonderful
man who loved me and treated me better than I ever expected. He complemented me
in ways I never knew to ask for.
“Remember that what you now have was once among the things
you only hoped for.” Ouch. There was a time in my life when I said “If only I
had a husband…” or “if only I could find a job doing what I love…” Now I had
those things, but I was so consumed with what I didn’t have, I completely
neglected to appreciate all that I did have. When did my husband stop being
enough? Was it once I stopped recognizing the gift that he was in my life, and
started taking him for granted? When did the job I once loved stop becoming a
joy and an opportunity to help, and start becoming a burden that I resented?
Was it once I decided there was something else I wanted more? Oh the difference
that perspective makes. What a powerful asset we have in our minds and
thoughts. We can change everything about how we’re feeling with just a simple
adjustment in our view of it all. Epicurus also said “Nothing is enough for the
man to whom enough is too little.” May I always learn to be satisfied with the
plenty and abundance that God has provided for me now, knowing that there was
once a time that I only dreamed and hoped to be at the point in which I’m living.
